Wednesday, January 28, 2009

How to Drive ME Crazy

The last post was stolen from another blog and was meant as a joke.
Here's my personal list, it's not a joke.

1. Don't show up for an appointment. Don't call. Don't answer your cell phone. Don't return my concerned calls.
2. Don't show up for an initial appointment where I've blocked out two hours for you. Don't answer your cell phone, never contact me again. Ignore the fact that I made a point of requesting a call if the appointment wasn't going to be kept.
3. Insist that Xanax is the only medication that works for you and refuse to try anything else, even once, even if you've never tried it before.
4. Insist that a 90 day supply of a very expensive medicine must be written because that's the only way you can afford it through the insurance, and two weeks later announce that it suddenly no longer works.
5. Present in a crisis, sit through a session where we develop a plan, then return having done none of it.
6. Decide that the medication that was the only thing that worked for you after years of trying to find something, anything, that would work suddenly is something you don't want to take, even though you've been on it, stable, and doing well for a few years with no side effects. When your psychiatrist reminds you how awful your last 7 episodes of illness were, how hard it was to get you better, and that statistically the chances are extremely high that you might get sick again and it might be hard to get you well again, say, "I'm not going to get sick again."
7. Attribute your flagrant mania to "real emotion" and insist your psychiatrist can't understand because they aren't Italian/Irish/whatever. (Oh, this doesn't really bother me.)
8. Spend the session discussing just how suicidal you're feeling and how badly things are going, and at the end of the session announce that you need to decrease the frequency of the sessions.
9. Promise to call between sessions when your shrink is very worried, then don't. Rest assured, shrink will remember you didn't call at 3 AM.
10. Ask your shrink very intrusive personal questions. I'll spare you the examples.
11. Cancel ten minutes before a session. Tell shrink you suddenly remembered a conflicting appointment that was scheduled a month ago.
12. Leave treatment without a word after years of therapy and leave shrink to wonder how you are and how all the details of your life turned out.

I could probably go on for a while. I liked some of the ones people put in the comment section of the last post.