Saturday, December 02, 2006

Hanlon's Razor

After years of work in correctional healthcare I've decided that there are a certain number of universal truths. I've confirmed these by talking to numerous colleagues over the years who work in a variety of pretrial and sentenced-side facilities in many jurisdictions. Here they are:

1. There is a direct correlation between the amount of time it takes to get through a locked gate and your need to reach the bathroom on the other side of the gate.
2. When you reach the bathroom there will be no toilet paper.
3. Physicians will not be allowed to park in the spot assigned to the warden's secretary.
4. The parole paperwork will be lost for the inmate you most want to get out of your facility.
5. If one inmate doesn't get transported to your clinic it will be the inmate who just got out of the forensic hospital.
6. If an inmate is going to decompensate it will happen at shift change on Friday afternoon.
7. Physicians will not be allowed to park in the spot assigned to the maintenance supervisor.
8. The solution to every problem will be a new state-mandated form, in triplicate.
9. If there is one working elevator it will be the one that is forbidden for civillian use.
10. If there is only one nurse on duty it will be the one who does not speak English.
11. Physicians will not be allowed to park in any spot assigned to the transportation unit.
12. The adage called Hanlon's Razor will remain true:

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."

6 comments:

Sarebear said...

Since Hanlon's Razor involves stupidity, I'm guess Hanlon is not allowed any sharp objects and has a bushy beard.

Hee hee.

Sounds like they don't want you parking anywhere . . .

Sarebear said...

Um, not that I'm saying having a bushy bear = stupidty.

Sarebear said...

that's BEARD. Having a bushy BEAR might be kinda stupid . . . RAR!

dinah said...

I once had a boss who was distressed to learn that I made more money then he did. I was left to say, "I only negotiated MY salary." So I thought of this as I read your post and thought, Clink is someone who needed to negotiate a Parking Space when she took the job. Really, you don't think that because you're a doc, you should get someone else's parking space??? Be real.

ClinkShrink said...

Ah, the gulf between reality and what I think should be reality in corrections is sometimes vast. Thus, the Universal Truths. In fact, parking in someone else's designated space can get you towed or summoned to the warden's office in the middle of your clinic. Civilians are at the bottom of the food chain. To think otherwise is to set yourself up for frustration.

I am happy when they let me bring in my 20 oz cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee.

SEAMONKEY said...

Hanlon's Razor is a gem. Thanks for that!

Also: take a bus. ;)