Friday, December 15, 2006

The Dog Wore Antlers

ChristmasMouse

I have been unanimously elected in an uncontested democratic process to write a response to the Christmas meme that Carrie generously tagged us with.

1. Hot Chocolate or Egg Nog?
Hot chocolate! Like there was ever any question. The four basic food groups are: chocolate, caffeine, salt and cholesterol. I'm a doctor, I should know.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
The only unwrapped things under my tree were my cats. Occasionally they wore wrap too. And bows. What good is a holiday if you can't humiliate the pets?

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
Colored, but only when they weren't burned out. And generally only on the top half of the tree or the cats would get them. Yes, the tree looked funny.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Absolutely not!!!
I use lethal injection.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
Whenever the cats knocked them down. Several times a day.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?
Not lutefisk. To understand this, read a description of one person's first experience with lutefisk. I'll borrow my favorite quote to save you some time:

"Lutefisk is instead pretty much what you'd expect of jellied cod; it is a foul and odiferous goo, whose gelatinous texture and rancid oily taste are locked in spirited competition to see which can be the more responsible for rendering the whole completely inedble."

7. Favorite Holiday memory?
Rushing home from the church Christmas pageant with a bag of treats (green and red popcorn balls) and getting home just in time to see the Peanuts Christmas special. (Would it be tacky to ask an accomplished pianist like Carrie to put up an audio clip of that great Peanuts dance song?)

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
When I noticed that Santa wrote with the same illegible scrawl as my Dad. In addition to being an accomplished Santa forger, he is also a serial killer of squirrels. And they wonder why I became a forensic psychiatrist.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Absolutely. Especially any gifts that tick, smell or dribble.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
Um..from the top down?

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Like it makes a difference?! IT WILL SNOW ANYWAY, DEAL WITH IT. I hear Finns have 40 words for snow----all of them obscene.

12. Can you ice skate?
I can, but I prefer to entertain everyone by purposely sliding around on my butt.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
A cemetary plot. True story: My parents finished their estate planning and realized they had an extra burial plot. They gave it to me for Christmas, with a nice card that had the directions & cemetary location. To this day I keep it in a drawer with my Christmas card list and other bright cheery things. It's perversely funny in a Tim Burton sort of way.

14. What's the most important thing?
It's only one day a year, and then the world will go back to normal.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
See question number 1.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Putting bows on the cat.

17. What tops your tree?
I'm too short to reach the top. Like I said, the tree looks funny.

18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving?
Like we say in the corrections business, it's better to give than to receive. Especially certain inmates.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
That Peanuts Christmas special dance song that I want Carrie to post on her blog. It's the least she can do after tagging us!

20. Candy canes, Yuck or Yum?
Yucky when sticky and covered with cat fur.

And now, in keeping with the holiday spirit, Shrink Rap gives this gift to our readers:

I promise not to tag any one of you.