Saturday, June 17, 2006

Noted In Passing

I went out to lunch today at a restaurant that specializes in organic, fair-trade, allergen-free, dolphin-safe food. While I was waiting I browsed the brochures, business flyers and cards that people left in the lobby. I found pretty much what I expected to see in a place with organic, fair-trade, allergen-free, dolphin-safe food: business cards for accupuncturists, Chinese herbalists, shiatsu, yoga and feng-shui. Then I came across one that stopped me in my tracks. It was an advertisement for...are you ready...Angel Adjustment. The flyer made a point of noting that Angel Adjustment was trademarked intellectual property, and that it was designed to promote general wellbeing. It was offered in collaboration with "Dr. X, PhD". Didn't mention what the field PhD was in. And the cost? Only $50 for a half hour, or $110 for an hour. And I didn't even know that angels needed adjusting, which just goes to show what they teach you in medical school and maybe I should demand my money back. In medical school they should teach you about the etiology, diagnosis, treatment and prognosis of maladjusted angels. After all, they make you memorize the Krebs cycle and as far as I'm aware that's got nothing to do whatsoever with my spiritual well-being.

Then there was the brochure for the "spiritual garden consultant", only $65 per half-hour. Now, if the state of your garden reflects your spiritual wellbeing then I am in seriously deep do-do. If that's the case I don't need a lawn-care guy, I need an exorcist. When I go into any kind of home and garden store, I get an inverse humane society reaction. At the humane society the lonely lost and abandoned puppies and kittens run up to you and cry and whimper for attention. At the home and garden store budding rose bushes scream and plead for their lives like I'm the next coming of Saddam Hussein. Now there's a guy with seriously maladjusted angels. Then again, I'm not really trained to diagnose that.